June 16, 2008
June 16 has always been a very special day to me, not only is it my birthday, but a birthday for a lot of my family members. It has always been a day of celebration, joy and happiness. In 2008, June 16 became a day of mourning, the most horrific day of my life.
After carrying my daughter Julia for 37 weeks, my family and I were planning a new beginning
in our lives. I had just finished decorating the corner of our bedroom where her crib was, imagining that there would be a beautiful bundle of joy sleeping there in just a matter of a few weeks, if not sooner. The birth of my daughter was something I had waited for my whole life, I dreamed about her. I was feeling as though a life long dream of mine was finally going to come true and that we were blessed.
Julia passed away on June 16, 2008, the day before she was born.
When she was born, I felt so comforted being able to hold her, to look at her, to talk to her. I was finally able to be her Mommy, to embrace her, to kiss her. It didn't matter that she would never take a breath or smile at me. I longed for this baby my whole life and I finally had her. She was so beautiful and precious. I love her with all of my heart, more than I have ever loved anyone in my whole life, even more than I love myself.
Ever since that day, I have had to learn to live my life without her. Everywhere I go, everything I do is a reminder that my child is not with me. It has gotten easier, but she will always be in my heart. I will always wonder what she would have been like.